Happy Halloween!! Welcome to the oddest Halloweekend I have ever had. It's not a bad Halloweekend but it was definitely been weird asf. Honestly, I didn't even realize Halloween was this weekend. I've been so deep in my bag (financially) that I just ended up glossing over Halloween this year. The crazier part is that I really have no desire to go out and do anything. Instead of dressing up like a demon, I decided to indulge in some of mine. I just finished having a lil Casamigos mixed beverage & I feel as content as I would be if I was outside right now. I'm just grateful to have a crib where I can drink in peace. It's been quite a week & honestly, after a long and hard-fought W of a week, I deserve to indulge in some bullshit.

 

I'll be honest with you all. I copped some 'yahmean' on Thursday night & blew down. I KNOW I said that I was trying to slow down, which is true, but you have to understand something about me. I've been into sicker things since I was in middle school & loud helps me keep all that other stuff at bay. I could absolutely nuke my brain with other stuff but I choose not to. I choose to make loud my vice because I know I can beat loud. If I got back into other stuff, I would be over with. Hopefully, I have the energy around me to fully stop indulging in loud. In addition to loud, I made & finished some Casamigos and Orange Fanta. Kel from "Kenan & Kel" would have been geeked off this drink. I turned on "Carry On" by XXXTentacion & decided to just let whatever happens happen. I got some vibes out and once I heard a few more songs and relaxed, I turned on my dawg, PinkPantheress, and chilled out.

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This song "Reason" by PinkPantheress is the mf ONE! Dawg, I haven't heard a song like this in so long. This song reminds me of why I am where I am right now. This song feels like the love that I need in this very moment. Like what is a reason why I'm alive? Because I love being me & my future is dope. Despite all the bad thoughts I may have about whatever, I'm still going to keep going because I know that I was built a winner & I will overcome adversity. I don't like failure & if I do fail, I know that it failed because I need to be in a better situation. In my opinion, I interpret this song to be PinkPantheress talking about becoming numb over the process of life in this song & I understand. Pain from all angles really does make you numb. Imagine people you truly love betraying your trust, loyalty, and respect. That type of shit turns you into an extremely callous being. Personally, I go through days where I would be absolutely ok with never talking to people again so that I can never get hurt again but that's not the best way to go about life because you need other people. My remedy for that thought is remembering that everyone was made differently & there just so happen to be people that fit who you are perfectly. I have experienced that and luckily, I never forgot that. Despite all the pain from others that I've received, I know that that was only there to teach me what love WASN'T. This is a lesson I'm so grateful for but lemme ask God to allow my discernment to be strengthen by this experience. I don't want to become the guy who's like "Love isn't real & I need to be terrible to everyone." NO, NO, NO! I'll never believe that because I know true love is real. If I'm terrible to you, it's because I don't like you & NOT because I don't think love is real. If love wasn't real, trust me, I wouldn't be here.

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What is love to me, you ask? In short, intent-filled, honest, warm & nurturing energy. Over time, this may adapt but at 23 y/o on this date, this is what love feels like to me. I understand that loyalty is something else though. True loyalty should lie within your marriage & children, in my opinion. All the other loyalty, to me, seems transactional, which I understand. Loyalty is hard for some people. I decided a long time ago to allow people to prove their loyalty to me rather than seek it out. However, with love, I can just feel you through your actions. That's why, most of the time, you can tell when someone has a crush on you. I can feel your love through small actions. Whether we decide to act upon this love, or not, is up to us. You can't force someone to love you back if they, simply, do not love you back. It'll always be ok though because there is always someone out there who has love for you.

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For example, I was walking up 5th Ave for exercise & this random woman could see that I was feeling a bit down & she just randomly waved at me. It was so random & lovely that I blushed, as a black. man, & I smiled & waved back. It was so nice. I felt love in that moment. Not like Joe from "You" type of love but human 2 human love. I needed that acknowledgment of my pain in that moment & I was grateful to feel that from a random stranger. I could give another example but I am a lil drunk & I'm craving Papa John's.

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You know what? I might just indulge in that too. Why? Because I have to watch Insecure & I need some food to make the experience more enjoyable. I think this might be the end of the post for me but before I leave I have a congratulations in order to get out there. 

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CONGRATULATIONS TO JAY-Z AKA J. HOVA ON BEING INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME. Only the second rapper to do that behind my GOAT, Notorious BIG. This is so dope to me because he really did it without a pen. I would've post a HOV song but over time, you will hear my favorite HOV songs. It'll have to be real because that's what we all deserve. 

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Ok, thanks for reading & being with me on this journey so far. I hope that you are killing your Halloween outfit & you are being as SAFELY lusty as you would like. We all know what happens on Halloween stays on Halloween.

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Love,

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AT<3

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Hey every single body reading <3. I'm up early on this Wonderful Wednesday. I'm feeling humbled in front of God & thankful for everything God has brought into my life. As a human, I know that I only have control over certain things but only God can mix up all of our energies and provide us with the results that we get. Throughout my life, a lot of things have happened & I'll bet that you can probably say the same. Life is life. We go through things. We're supposed to because that is what makes us who we are. WE ARE HUMAAANS! God knows going on. God's mixing up a stew to create the life that best serves you. God knows your true heart. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to speak for God or say what God is or not. I'm speaking about what I understand about God from my perspective. God has humbled me by teaching me the knowledge available to me. I see God's power and I'm humbled by it. I'm grateful for it.

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Look, throughout my life, I've had people who love me hurt me & me hurt them. I've failed at goals that I wanted to badly achieve. I've felt isolated and lonely. I've simply been low. Experiences, of which, I have been absolutely humbled. ON THE FLIPSKY, I have also been so blessed. I've been around some wonderful people. I've had some lovely moments. I've been successful in many things. Again, experiences, of which, I've been humbled by & grateful for. Each one of those moments reminds me the power of God. Every failure has led to a success for me. Every heartbreak has led me into a better relationship. You see how amazing that is? Yes, on the daily tip, we have struggles that we need to overcome. But c'mon now, who doesn't love a good origin story??? You have your origin story and you should be proud of it. You overcame so much. You are still alive despite all the bullshit that has been thrown at you. Be thankful & be humble in front of God. God works with you, not against you.

 

I'm just grateful God has given me life and continues to protect us & show us how wonderful this world is. God has put me through so much to test my discernment & in the process of becoming a better foot solder, I've experienced many beautiful things. For example, this song, "Track 6" by Ty$ is literally amazing. I'm going through a lot right now but it's all good because I think to myself "Wow, this song is so good! I gotta get through what I gotta get through to vibe to this song some more!" Aw, wonderful! I love it all. Thank you God for putting me in the same timeline as this song. That Thundercat closeout at 2:56 is just *chef's kiss*. I could say crack, even. As someone who also makes music, I'm humbled by how great other musicians are & respect their specialty. I'm grateful for their life because they have positively impacted mine. I just hope I get to pay back that favor.

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Anyways, a lil update on my life. I got my Nintendo Switch, which is so dope, but it didn't come with Animal Crossing. It only has the Animal Crossing vibes on the Switch but not the game. HUMBLED! I deadass got tricked with the fine print. Can you believe that? I have real businesses & got tricked by the Nintendo Switch fine print. I had to cop at Best Buy, which is an odd purchase to make as a 23 year old grown man with an entire beard. I probably should have just ordered it on Amazon & called it a day. Lesson: don't just read the room but also, read the fine print! Not reading the fine print can get you in some serious shit. For example, in Animal Crossing, why is this bitch Tom Nook taking all my money? Like you let me move to & name this deserted island ("LandAir" :) but you make all the rules? 98K Bells for a house & I gotta sell miscellaneous shit to your son, WITH MY MATERIALS, for a low value to get the money for it?? I'm a bag getter so as soon as I met Tom Nook, I knew. Just know I had 1/3 of the bread ready before I took that loan because I needed to elevate. That storage actually helps me be more efficient. HUMBLED! I respect the game. I'm just tryna get mines in it, jufeelme?? You do.

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Also, before I peace out to go & work, I wanna give love to my New York Knickerbockers! We are currently 3-1! BING-BONG! Wake up stupid! We here!! We not going anywhere. We got LOVE! I was at the season opener & the 76ers game last night. There's love in The Garden & we're tapping back into it. Shoutout Obi because as a NYer who was born here, we really do love that guy because he represents us. Shoutout Jules, RJ, Fournier The Baller, D-Rose, Kemba! All of you! We here & we not going anywhere. We're only getting better. Jumpshots gettin wetter! When I say that, I'm talking about them & me too.

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Remember, to remain humble in front of God. The experiences God puts in your life will only make you better. No one is perfect. No one is meant to be perfect. But, if we all work together, we can make a better life for one another. Isn't that so awesome? I know I sound like a youth pastor but I'm enthusiastic about what God has done for me. I'm having fun, spreading love, & growing into a better man every single day. Humbled by God to be the human I'm made to be. I owe it to myself & God to improve. I was made in God's image so why would I not do cool shit? Make it make sense.

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P.S. Have a great day & spread some love to someone you love. People don't always get that enough.

Yo! MTV Raps! What's up everybody. How is everything going for everyone reading. I hope you are doing well. Me, you ask? I honestly just feel grateful to be able to do the things in life that I enjoy most. With my newly gel-manicured fingers, I get to sit here, type & just be. Before things get wild & we all have to get back to the hustle & bustle of things, how about we appreciate the moment we have to just relax & breathe. I know I am. Good news in the next paragraph.

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Good news is that I brought a Nintendo Switch w/ Animal Crossing. I know, I know. It's not that big of a deal but you have to understand something. I've been working so hard in my life to get my priorities in order & I never really have the chance to just buy stuff for myself like a gaming system. I have the money to do it. The money isn't the problem. I just would have been dumb to buy it back then because I had other priorities. I got so caught up in the hustle that I never allowed myself the chance to buy it. It feels good to do this for myself because who deserves it more than me? In my universe? That's AT. You wanna know how I bought it too? I saw that Animal Crossing was having it's last expansion pack & I decided, on the fly, to just cop before I lose the chance to play the original version. So I was like boom, how can I budget this in right quick. I used my brain & my love for myself & figured the darn thing out. Also, Gamestop (the OG) had a Nintendo Switch x Animal Crossing crossover situation so I had 2 cop the collab. Now, not only do I get to play Animal Crossing, but I also get to cop other games like Mario Kart & Smash. I know! I'm late but everyone does things at their own pace & I'm right on time. It feels awesome for me because I can finally do something like this for myself. Me! AT! I do it for me. I'm grateful to be afforded the opportunity to do this by God. Shoutout to the Biggest.

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Now, I may not always have the time to play it but at least I have it for my prioritized relaxation time,. I can feel my life getting busier. I can sense more stuff to come soon. Why, you ask? That's just life. Life always have a new situation for you to handle. I feel my evolution & I kinda like it. You're suppose to evolve in life to have maximum fun. You already know I'm on that type of time. I'm gonna pursue more of my interests & improve my life on the way there. Again, I'm just grateful to exist and vibe. Life can sometimes be hard, traumatic, annoying, etc. but there are also fruits to indulge in here. You just need to see them & decide "Hey, let me take a bite of this mango." Life has more dope moments than shitty moments but if you focus on the shitty moments, you will only see the shitty moments. Shitty things happen to me everyday but I don't care! I have waaaaaay more awesome moments in the day. Awesome thoughts, awesome views, awesome faces, awesome vibes. That's how I choose to live my life. Do I feel great all the time? No, of course not! On Friday, when I brought the Switch, that morning was absolutely terrible. When I say major depression, I mean it. I was having all types of fucked up thoughts. I woke up on the WRONG side of the bed but I figured it out & got better. That's what you gotta do baby! Smiling isn't the easiest but you can find your source if you just get in tune with your vibe. Love works the best when you love yourself first.

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Anyways, Knicks undefeated in the Preseason. We are LIVE! The team is looking good. We randomly signed & waived Brandon Knight but it's all good. They needed my dawg for something & they paid the brotha! Spread your blessings & don't be cheap. Thank you for your service Mr. Knight. You might see me at a couple Knicks games doing my thing/thing, showin' love. Again, the fruits!! Eat them baby!! Chill out and spread love like butter! A criminal undercover! That song is so hard.

 

Alrighty, it's obviously time for me to go to bed but I slept from like 7pm-11pm so now I'm up. I'm eating some random superfood nuts that I trusted a random vendor to give me on that same Friday. I'm feeling good & grateful. I keep repeating that but that's the vibe, bro! Smile. It's always worth it.

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Best,

ATwizzy

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P.S. Candy corn is gross & I will never budge. That is clay that you are munching on. Don't give that shit to kids on Halloween. That is a TRICK, not a treat.